If it’s broken, we’ll fix it. If it’s illegal, we’ll punch it. Usually at the same time. Operating out of an undisclosed basement workshop in Ohio.
Brooding, intense, and heavily relies on expensive, over-engineered gadgets. Will spend 45 minutes lecturing a car thief about the importance of rotating their tires before handing them over to the authorities.
High energy, constantly cracking terrible puns, and webs up bad guys using an organic adhesive compound he cooked up in a five-gallon bucket. Consistently forgets to wear a belt, resulting in classic plumber's gap.
Got a problem? Select your issue below, and our advanced mainframe (a Raspberry Pi running on a lawnmower battery) will give you immediate, highly professional advice.
We do not accept cash. We operate strictly on iced coffee, cold cuts, and premium ratchets.
| The Challenge | Uncle Bat Dad's Solution | Uncle Spider Dad's Solution |
|---|---|---|
| The vehicle won't crank. | Strips it down to the frame, installs a high-capacity LiFePO4 battery, and re-taps the threads. | Webs the starter solenoid closed, kicks the rear tire once, and proclaims, "That'll hold." |
| Rogue super-scientists. | Deploys a custom tactical urban buggy to crush their elaborate doomsday apparatus. | Swings in, steals their extension cord to run his string trimmer, leaving them completely powerless. |
| Smoky power tools. | Orders the exact replacement brushless armature and organizes your garage by screw thread. | Wraps the housing entirely in electrical tape. "She's got at least two more seasons in her." |
Got a criminal infestation or a stripped bolt? Submit your case file below.